I sleep with a CPAP.
For those that don’t know, that’s Continuous Positive Airway Pressure.

I have sleep apnea. I had a sleep study done a while back, and basically, without the CPAP, I stop breathing for up to a minute. And that happens over and over again, up to 60 times per hour.

Can you imagine taking one breath per minute?

The CPAP forces my windpipe open. It forces me to breathe.

Isn’t that just wrong?

In Genesis, it says, “God breathed into the man the Breath of Life.” Doesn’t it just feel like a curse that I or you should not be able to accept the gift that has been given? That which God imparts, my flesh fights against. It doesn’t want to take it in, and so I need to put fail-safes in place to make sure I accept it.

For me, this just represents the push and pull that we all do with God. There’s this amazing gift that we know is life-giving, and yet we fight against it. We push and pull. And when we see that we can’t do it on our own, we put in our own fail-safes. We create systems and process for prayer, for worship, for talking to God for just twelve minutes a day hoping that, God is still leaving the offer on the table that we can have the breath of life.

Sometimes the power goes out on our own plans. And then what happens?
We just lay there and unconsciously pray that we don’t suffocate. That God will continue to let us rest. Let us breath. Let us dwell in him, without plans, processes, parameters, or even prayers. Just rest in his arms, and breathe deep his life.